My BDTF Week Two!

The Chefs vs. Reckoner

What did I say Lindsay? Did I not say that Matt Forte is about as questionable as Adrian Brody's squirrely mustache? At least you got some points out of him before both of his knees reached singularity. Could be worse, you could be just realizing that all the pre-season hype hasn't actually changed the very real fact that Jay Cutlet stinks. Or that making it rain to get Randall Cobb probably was an overspend, since Aaron Rodgers is loyal to no one when it comes to spreading the ball. Most weeks I would do the Derek default, but this week I'm seeing the Dagenais sashay.

 Banana Grabbers vs. Urban Achiever

Chris Johnson's last week performance was somewhere between Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj on the ugliness scale. Fortunately, this week I think he'll fare better against a smoke and mirrors San Diego squad - I'm thinking somewhere between a lesser Sunshine Girl and that chick that makes duck faces. Still, will it be enough to stop the one-week hype of the Romo juggernaut? Probably not...but that's more to do with Bryan's supporting cast getting walk-overs like Buffalo, while Paul's get the rapidly improving defenses of Philly and Tampa Bay. A close one that Bryan slithers away from.

Dirty D. vs Gone in 30 Minutes

What's with the Green Bay Packers - despite dusting off the buried treasure that is Cedric Benson - they can't seem to score with the aplomb they showed in years past. It looks like the bloom might be off the rose. Meanwhile Matt Ryan is in full bloom - he just had his first period and his mom just sat him down to explain that he's a woman now, which means he can finally stop producing pedestrian fantasy numbers week-in and week-out. Meanwhile, Ryan pops out the turd-rific Tate and Richardson to nobody's delight. Dennis takes a cakewalk.

The North vs. The Downs Burn

Okay, Alex Smith was okay last week - but this week, yes, this week he'll suck for sure! Peyton Manning also proved me wrong by marching his plucky team to a victory at the last minute, getting the girl, disarming the bomb at Coco Bongo and saving Edge City - which I think is either the ending of The Mask or Schindler's List - I get those two confused. Anyway, another close one for both combatants - this time I'll take Wayne because I trust Cam Newton at home more than Manning in the Georgia Dome. Wayne flips for joy over the short-lived moral victory.

Bare Cupboards vs. The Lonesome Kicker

The fact that I'd willingly start Carson Palmer should say a lot about what I think of my team. Like some kind of wayward parent of a child prodigy, I'm leaving my team in the my car with the windows rolled up while I go play a few rounds of bingo. Even with these poor decisions in-tow, I can't see Andrew Luck faring any better than last week and it's only a matter of time until All Day blows out his knee, no matter how many interviews he does saying the contrary. My achilles this week is whether Belichick goes all Joffrey on me and decides to play another NE running back all with the fey wave of his hand - I'm hoping he doesn't and I take the win over Miller.