My BDTF! Week Seven

Bare Cupboards vs. Urban Achiever

Infirmary team!
injured guys equals loss...
Paul wins easy one

Dirty D vs. Reckoner

Team improbable
versus underachiever
the trend continues

Gone in 30 Minutes vs. Banana Grabbers

Hi John Skeleton
You won't be enough this week
Brian climbs out of last

The Lonesome Kicker vs. The North

Smith already sucked
Starting Sanchez a bad sign
Brees begins ascent

The Chefs vs. Downs Burns

Wayne stole my player
He'll lose because I say so...
white leaves on black lake

My BDTF! Week Six!

Bare Cupboards vs. Reckoner

Not only has the injury bug bitten my team, but my group of losers also contracted shitty fantasy team VD by plowing the painted whore that is free agency. My receivers and running backs are about as desirable as the first poop after a night of Indian food. There's no point in explaining it any further - Lindsay knocks me out this week because his mama said to knock me out.

Urban Achiever vs. The Chefs

Like me, Paul is sliding like he's spending the day at the West Edmonton Wave Pool. It's kind of weird because there's talent there - Manning, A.J Green and Turner are all having decent years. I'll scratch this one up to tough luck so far. On the other side of the coin, Derek's team is more patchwork than gradma's family history quilt that nobody uses or acknowledges. I think this is the week Paul's luck kicks in and Derek's temporarily runs out - unless my mind is playing tricks on me.

Banana Grabbers vs. Dirty D

Well at least I can't be completely wrong this week - one of the two teams I keep picking to win will actually win this week. Out of these two under-performers I'm guessing it's Dennis because I always guess it's Dennis so let's at least be consistent. While I appreciate Ponder's happy story like I appreciate the eight endings of the Lord of the Rings (I don't really appreciate them - here's a secret about me - I kind of hate the lord of the rings movies - they are terrible and you should feel bad for liking them), he's eventually going to stumble and this game against the Redskins has that vibe. Another close one, but the win passes Brian by and falls into Dennis' lap.

The North vs Gone in 30 Minutes

Peyton Manning's wobbly passes vs. RGB's wobbly brain? Phillip Rivers not throwing picks vs. Alex Smith just plain not sucking? What's the twist here M. Night Shyamalan? If Ryan has an advantage it's that he's not reliant on starting Shonn Greene who has to exert all his strength to simply run forwards and not backyards - yes, it's a terrible affliction and it seems to be spreading on the Jets. So, with that said, I choose Ryan as the victor.

The Downs Burns vs. The Lonesome Kicker

Yikes, starting Ryan Fitzpatrick and Sam Bradford. Probably time to ring the crappy alarm. Double yikes scoob, Ian's starting Joss Wheedon and Andrew used-all-his-Luck last week. By sheer quarterback atrocity alone, we're headed towards a fantasy singularity. I reminisce over a time when winning fantasy involved using good players - but those days are passed - and one of these fantasy merlins is going to conjure a win while the other's week blows up in his face. Picking who is harder than you think...I'll say Ian keeps the momentum up.

My BDTF Week Five!

Bare Cupboards vs. The Chefs

Looking at them now, my wide receivers are the Calgary Flames of fantasy football - not bad enough to jettison into the void, but really not good enough to be competitive. If there's one saving grace to my team right now, it's that this is a quarterbacks league and mine haven't been awful yet. Keep in mind however, Derek has an entire team and not just two players he can rely on, and many of them play some pretty awful teams this weekend - KC, Indy, Miami - a veritable who's who of fantasy sieves - I put up a fight, but Derek dismantles me.

Gone in 30 Minutes vs The Downs Burn

Perhaps Wayne's strategy of drafting 80 wide receivers at the draft paid off - at least to week five, he's one of the more consistent teams. Still, he's playing with fire - Ryan Fitzpatrick will tank in say about three weeks - where suddenly the interceptions will continue but the production won't. This week will be a good indication of just how stinky the Bills actually are when they face the 49ers at home. Ryan on the other hand has a team on the rise with a solid, but not spectacular group - if only all of his players had brother's die in motorcycle accidents (too soon? probably too soon) they'd really take off. Ryan runs wild over Wayne this week.

Dirty D vs. The Lonesome Kicker

Funny how much one player can change the balance of a team, but with a second solid running back in his group, Dennis becomes incredibly dangerous. While his wide receivers are thinner than Paul Giamatti's hair, Dennis's main starters are a smorgasbord of fantasy fruition. That's not to say Ian's team is bad, but this week they look more like the cock-blocking frumpy friend of a hot girl. They want to be the centre of attention, but they have that one offset eye (Cutler), their ears are too big (Lloyd) and they reek of desperation (Hartline). I think we say hi to a renewed Dennis team.

The North vs. Urban Achievers

With the amount of parity in our league to this point, you can almost make the assumption that all of us are finally fantasy functional. Matchups like this one are the reason why equality in our league makes for some tough calls in the guessing who will win department. Will Manning and his wobbly throws show up against New England, will Chris Johnson put the cheetos down long enough to run three steps and fall to the ground? I can't say. This one could go either way - I'm betting the winner is the one who summons some extra luck this week. Coin flip....Paul wins.

Banana Grabbers vs. Reckoner

How Lindsay gets it done with Vick, Freeman and Kolb - I just don't know. Actually that's not entirely correct, he gets it done with Lynch, McGahee and occasionally Forte when he's not nostrils deep in some hooker's cocaine dusted ass. On the other hand, I entirely know how Brian gets it done - sporadically - because Charles is proving to be a boom or bust player, much like the rest of the Jekyll and Hide that is Kansas City. This week he and Jones-Drew are in bust mode, which I think gives Lindsay the special power of winning.