Fanciful Fantasy Fun Fortunes Week Ten 2013

The Lonesome Kicker vs. Ngata Chance
In a year where consistent running back production has been scarce, Ian has the fortune of having one of the most reliable products on the field. Having watched the Thursday game, I can't help but be impressed that Peterson manages to get points almost despite his team being bathed in futility. That running back head start is going to help because I think it's the sole difference-maker this week: all being said, the rest of the matchups are fairy even with two unproven QBs, solid receivers and alright running backs. Ian farts out a win this week.

The Chefs vs. Gone in 30 Minutes
I imagine at some point today Ryan will be staring at his computer, veins popping out of his neck, licking his dry chapped lips like some kind of junkie or mayor, and whispering to Derek, or nobody, or Jesus, or God depending on which testament you want to invest in - and saying come on man, I need this. Not even the great Hare Krishna could revive Derek's team, so Ryan needs to hope that Stafford or Dalton have ordinary weeks again. If they do - which I'm betting they will - Ryan will poop out a win this week.

Chewbacca DST vs. Breesus Christ Superstars
Here's the real test. Paul's buzzed through a few pretenders in the past couples weeks to turn his moribund team into something relevant. Now, he gets Bryan, our shining golden fantasy pool boy - all dazzling blonde hair and thigh-displaying 70's athletic shorts. Well, only one of you has a legitimate quarterback in Brees; however, Fred Jackson and Donald Brown are effectively time share running backs who simply can't match either Morris or Johnson's playing time. Receivers are a wash, so this is a straight-up head to head - I'm going to say Paul takes it on momentum alone.

The Snoodler vs. Dirty D
It's a good thing I stashed EJ Manuel basically all year so that I could finally play him this week. Nevermind how many other guys I probably gave up - now I can finally justify to myself why I drafted him and kept him when he had absolutely no value. Well this is it. Whoever wins this game keeps their thread of a chance; the loser gets to take their ball and go home. Ryan has a tough matchup, but he's somewhat proven over Keenum who gets a slightly easier defense.Both Manuel and Spiller get the worst defense in the NFL. Here's hoping Dennis doesn't pick up a wide receiver and the difference is whatever that extra guy would've scored. I win and get to keep partying.

 The Downs Burn vs. The North
This is like the opposite game of the previous matchup - two teams that need a win - but not to slip into the playoffs, but to not fall out of them. Despite having the Manning and Wilson tandem, that's three losses Larry's accumulated. My guess is that he's got a better chance of turning it around this week because Wayne has to start Jake Foot Locker, and even Newton will struggle against San Francisco at home. The rest of the matchups are close with a slight nod to wayne in receivers - though Steven Stills really rounds out those multi-part harmonies. On the slight strength at quarterback, I saw Larry recovers from his nosedive.