The Snoodler vs. The North
Not only did Ray Rice pretty much ruin my fantasy season, but afterwards he flew up to Calgary and had sex with my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank. If I have any hope left it's because I suspect our fantasy season is longer than last year (weren't playoffs in week 13 and 14?) and everybody else is shitting the collective bed. This is another critical win for either Larry or me and arguably it's going to be close. Sure Denver puts up a lot of points, but they also surrender a lot and the Patriots get the home advantage. With Rice relegated to my bench forever, here's hoping either Stacy or Jennings make something of themselves. I'm feeling oddly optimistic, despite my team's general unpredictability - I fail upwards to a win this week.
Dirty D vs. The Chefs
Now that we run our failure fantasy playoffs concurrently with the winning one, this game also imports some actual meaning for either player. Could one of these teams climb out of the basement and secure that coveted number eight spot, thus giving themselves the illusion that next year also won't be a total wash. Keenum and Tolzein cancel each other out as they both play horribly inept teams. Stafford definitely gets the better hand in a renewed, but shaky Tampa Bay. That said, Dennis is carrying way more potential in Bush and Brown. Then again, Johnson seems a much surer shot of decent points than the pathetic twelve Colston put up. They tied last time they played, and in a perfect universe, they'll tie again.
Breesus Christ Superstars vs. the Downs Burns
Wayne's win last week gave him some breathing space, but he's not out of the woods yet. Facing the number one team (despite losing last week), he already has a hill to climb in that Brees put up good numbers on Thursday - numbers I suspect Jason Campbell won't come close to matching. Factor in that Shady McCoy is out and he'll have to rely on Stewart not getting all his carries robbed by a greedy Cam Newton. Wayne's team might normally be a Lambo, but McCoy is the engine. On the other side of the aisle, Bryan has Charles playing a continually suspect San Diego and a renewed Donald Brown proving his high pick wasn't a throwaway. Bryan doesn't even need the win since his team is probably going to safely make the playoffs anyway, but he I think he'll take it anyway.
Gone in 30 Minutes vs. The Lonesome Kicker
Like Bryan, I'd be surprised if Ian's team faced so strong a meltdown that he fell out of the playoffs. But if he was going to start falling apart, this week would be the time to do it. Considering nearly all of his team decided to take a one week vacation, Ian's team is nearly unrecognizable this week. He'll have to hope beyond hope that the Raiders muster some kind of defensive threat or that Rainey isn't just a case of lightning striking once. Ryan isn't carrying the same kind of problems this week and has mostly dependable members like Romo or Lacy or Johnson facing pretty porous defenses. That cushion Ian's perched on gets a little more uncomfortable as Ryan climbs the fantasy ladder.
Ngata Chance vs. Chewbacca DST
Fantasy purgatory is a funny place to be - not enough wins to climb back into the playoff hunt, but not enough losses to really feel threatened about falling into the fantasy basement either. Thomas Pynchon would be proud - so much entropy in two team's predicaments. Well somebody has to win and seeing how Fitpatrick gets lousy Oakland and Rotlisberger will get beaten up by a pretty scary Cleveland - that tips the QB scale to Lindsay. Paul obviously takes the RBs, which leaves a pretty equal set of WRs - for every Amendola there's a Tavon Austin. So who takes this one then? What secret ingredient reveals to us this week our winner? I'm going to say that the secret sauce for Paul's win is that the Lions have a better game defensively than Lindsay's precious Ravens will in facing Paul's favorite team. It's like Macbeth, but with football players, or something.
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