Fanciful Fantasy Fun Fortunes Week Eleven 2013

The Snoodler vs. The Lonesome Kicker
I think Ian owes the entire league a huge apology.........for trading for Joe Flacco...that guy sucks, and by trading for him you've both legitimized Lindsay's fanboyism and elevated his non-worth in our league. As for the rest of your quarterbacks, even a quiet night for Luck is better than most good nights for Brady lately. I really want to say that I have a chance, but Brady against a formidable Carolina defense spells trouble, never mind the rest of my team which is madly average. I need this win badly, but I suspect the win that need will actually be the loss I deserve.

The Chefs vs. Breesus Christ Superstars
You know a team has given up when they're starting J.R.R. Tolkien at quarterback. If there's a bright spot in Derek's disastrous season it's that he has a million draft picks for next year. Hopefully, with a reinvigorated Muscle Hamster and those many picks we'll see a rejuvenated Chefs next year. As for this one, particularly this week,. it's a no contest; Bryan strolls all over Derek's depleted corps/corpse.

The North vs. Ngata Chance
For those of us fighting desperately for a playoff spot there's nothing worse than seeing your opponent play someone else's porcelain doll collection. That said, oddly Lindsay's firesale crew still seem kind of dangerous, given that Fitzpatrick had an okay day and Fleener put up decent points. Seeing as Larry's pet pony Peyton gets his toughest test this week, plus the need to start Woodhead, I think we've got a reasonably close battle this week. It'll depend on Lynch eating the Vikings lunch and Fitzgerald showing up against Jacksonville, but I think they can do it. Somehow Lindsay's team improves this week - call it addition by subtraction.

Gone in 30 Minutes vs. Dirty D
The fact that Dennis made a trade this late in the game shows two things, he either has the fantasy that his fantasy football team has a chance this year (fantaception), or he's already prepping for next year by collecting talented football players (that he'll inevitably have to trade or drop). I'm guessing it's the former, but still it was kind of an inexplicable move. The big question is will it pay off this week? The short answer is no. With Palmer back against an atrocious defense and Ellington running all over JAX, there's no hope for the likes of Dalton against a sturdy Cleveland or a newly returned Brown against Green Bay. It's competitively close, but Ryan wins.

The Downs Burns vs. Chewbacca DST
 Though Paul is down, I'd say he's not completely out. This game is a make or break for both participants. Wayne needs to keep winning to hang onto that last spot, while Paul and the rest of us need him to lose to have a chance to slip into the playoffs - midnight stealth style. Largely, this depends on which Kaepernick Paul gets - the rest of his team is alright this week - it's just whether the tattooed wonder will actually show up this week. If he does, even just a bit, it should be enough to render Wayne's usually formidable squad that's beset by bye weeks into a delicious brisket. My guess it that he does, and thus Paul dines on Wayne like I'd dine on mac and cheese at the Palomino.