Fanciful Fantasy Fun Fortunes Week Three 2013

The Snoodler vs. Breesus Christ Superstars
It can't possibly be a good fantasy week when my main decision is whether to start Brady vs. EJ Manuel. No matter which decision I make there, I'm somehow haunted by the New York Jets, either past on Revis island or the surprising present incarnation. Actually, pretty much every match up my team has this week is not ideal while Bryan has a number of favorable games with his guys at home. Bryan walks away with one this week, and hangs the Snoodler out to dry.

The Chefs vs. Dirty D
This week Derek's A team plays his B team - but the twist of fate is that the Dennis is now the mentor and Derek the mentee. Perhaps this is the week Derek gets all Odysseus and returns home to kick all of us would-be suitors from his fantasy home. But perhaps not. I like Stafford and Muscle Hamster and Megatron this week, but I like Rodgers, Bush and even Colston more. It's an awkward one, but Dennis sneaks by.

Ngata Chance vs. The North
I nearly did a discount double-take when looking at Larry's roster. Is that really Geno Smith in the starting lineup instead of either Josh Freeman or Christian Ponder? If either of those quarterbacks actually knew their fantasy fate, dollars to donuts they would fly up to Canada and personally present a flaming bag of their own poop on Larry's doorstep. Other than this glaring indictment of those quarterbacks skills, the rest of Larry's group looks solid, say more solid than I feel about Rivers, Austin or even Fitzgerald. Larry stamps out Lindsay this week.

The Lonesome Kicker vs. Gone in 30 Minutes
The Lonesome Kicker has been roshamboing with no regrets the first two weeks, and who knows if that trail will stop at Ryan's doorstep. RG3's garbage time is the quintessential  fantasy mirage, and if he keeps it up, that production is going to dissipate pretty quickly when he ends up riding the bench in favor of Kirk Cousins. Ryan has the edge in receivers, but it's slight. And running back wise, I don't even know the first name of whoever Rodgers is, so that can't be good. Perhaps Ryan should just draft Jerius Norwood of the Toronto Argonauts (second greek reference - kind of) and we'll give him half points. Either way, Ian sprints past a stumbling Ryan.

Chewbacca DST vs. Downs Burns
Now that Paul has admitted his fantasy drafting failure, he's been free to completely re-draft a new team via free agency, and really who are we (especially me) to judge. Moreno and Burleson are significant upgrades who particularly for this week, play non-existent defenses. Plus the Chiefs already paid plenty of dividends on Thursday night. Neither Newton or Manning have looked compelling of late and Murray is almost as overhyped as David Wilson. I'm painting it like a blowout, but it won't be. Still, the newly regrouped Chewbacca Defense Force brings Downs Burns back to earth.