Fanciful Fantasy Fun Fortunes Week Four 2013

Sorry gents, these are going to be pretty short for the next couple weeks...

The Snoodler vs. Gone in 30 Minutes
Who's better Jizz Rodgers or a one-legged Ray Rice? Who's better McFadden against Washington's barf-in-mouth defense or RG3 against Oakland's weakling team. No idea...but coin flip says I win.

Dirty D vs. The North
Ugh...Gabbert...Tannehill...Geno Smith...we're talking a premiere mashup. Larry pretty much takes this by default that he has at least one functioning quarterback. No contest, North dominates.

The Downs Burns vs. Breesus Christ Superstars
McCoy has been keeping Wayne's fantasy hopes healthy for the past while, but not so this week. Bryan's clear advantage at QB and reasonable matchups mean he slaps out a close one. Breesus Christ Superstars point to victory.

The Lonesome Kicker vs. The Chefs
It's strange how a bye week can mess with a team - in Ian's case, it's only two players, but I think it's enough to let Derek take a victory. Even against an atrocious Vikings, Rothlisberger will be on his back more than his victims. Plus Muscle Hamster will probably get the ball a whole lot more now that Freeman is butt-surfing the sidelines. The Chefs spell out a win.

Chewbacca DST vs. Ngata Chance
Colin is suddenly playing rookie-like after last year's meteoric rise and Schaub will be lucky to be alive after facing a dark-alley scary Seattle. And while Paul's other matchups are decent, Lindsay's are enough that the QB handicap hands him a win. Ngata squishes Chewbacca this week.