Fanciful Fantasy Fun Fortunes Week Five 2013

Breesus Christ Superstars vs. Ngata Chance
Even with Drew Brees' (Breezes?) god-like powers, even he'll be tired of carrying the likes of Alex Smith or Darryl Richardson this week. On the other hand, Phillip Rivers found the lazarus pit of throwing skill and has nearly reminded us that long ago he didn't suck - I figure against the Raiders he'll keep reminding us. Factor in my favorite italian running back Giovani and I think we're seeing the ascendance of Ngata Chance.

The North vs. Chewbacca DST
Much like the ending of the last Star Wars movie, the wookies are getting ramroded this year. I can't imagine that's going to stop until Peyton Manning is wounded on the field and his opponent finishes him. Give credit where it's due - Larry's running backs and wide receivers have also played a pretty crucial role in him racking up 350 point weeks. Another nightmare game for the Chewbacca.

The Lonesome Kicker vs. Dirty D
Okay, I think I've called Ian's defeat a couple times and he's wiggled out of it. But, like Bullwinkle, I know this week for sure. It has to happen right? He can't possibly win with an oatmeal brain Pryror or that great singer Bilal. And Dennis can't possibly lose with Rodgers at home and a 27-point lead thanks to Gordon. It'll be close because Tannehill and Mendanhall have more L's in their names than actual talent, but Dennis still secures the upset.

Gone in 30 Minutes vs. The Downs Burns
Funny how a talented fantasy team can suddenly seem ordinary depending on its matchup. The pairing of Ryan and Wayne is the perfect example - relatively speaking, these teams are about even in terms of possible production - for every Romo we have Newton, for every Richardson we have McCoy. However, this week Ryan's team faces Carolina, Seattle and San Fran while Wayne gets Philadelphia, Oakland and the Giants. My hypothesis is that Wayne wins.

The Snoodler vs. The Chefs
Clearly there is something wrong with the world when Derek has yet to win. Perhaps I can do dude a solid and hand him one? This is likely the most even game this week, with maybe a slight advantage to me in wide receivers and that's only because of Graham. If he doesn't get going again this week then my slim hopes go up like roof pizza. I called a win for me last week in a close one and paid the price, so this week I'm playing meta-reverse psychology. Derek wins (or does he?)