While it's early yet, one has to be surprised at the Detroit Lions-like resurrection of Wayne's team. I have to say it's the best team Wayne never assembled. Like Edward Scissor hands, Wayne can't help but hurt himself in fantasy football -but with Ryan as a proxy all that is solved. Now the question is - can Ryan's fake team beat Ryan's real team. Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Even though Wayne's backs run with the force of a wet fart, the rest of his team is so scary it makes me scream. Wayne easily judo throws Ryan's scatter-shot team this week.
Dirty D vs. The Lonesome Kicker
Other than the greasy pimple that is Jason Campbell, this matchup looks like two nearly perfect teams ready to do battle. Dennis is sporting a freshly-traded Jordy who happens to my second favourite Jordy of all-time. Add to that potent brew a near-unstoppable Rodgers and Arian Foster going apeshit over the Raiders and it's looking good. Ian's no slouch this week either, Peterson and Tolbert should be ridiculous and I guiltily like Ian's receivers as much as I would an attractive cousin. It'll be close, but Dennis pulls it off in dirty style.
The North vs. Urban Achievers
Another close one this week - right when Larry's team is looking strong, he goes against Paul's solid lineup - a murderer's row of easy matchups. Vick proved he could play hurt and he should give Buffalo fits this week. The rest of his team looks good across the board too - Fitzgerald and McCluster get ideal defenses and Larry's McRunning backs should have a super-sized day (that was awful but not Ferotte with problems awful). Still while it might bug Larry to be the underdog once again, nothing about Paul's team doesn't say victory - Manning, Rivers, Johnson and Sproules are probably gonna light it up this week.
Banana Grabbers vs. Reckoner
Sometimes the way to predict these games is use intricate analysis - pouring over sheets of stats like some even-more asperger's version of Jonah Hill (good movie - go see it!). Other times, it's best look into the stars and divine the winner from the alignment of Orion's belt against Alpha-Centari or some other bullshit. Or you, could do what I'm going to do this week. I predict that Brian will upset Lindsay's team, going against logic and their recent records, because Brian has Spider-man on his team. How can I possibly go against the team who has a man who can spin a web any size and catch thieves just like flies?
Bare Cupboards vs. The Chefs
It's funny how imminent defeat can be such a freeing feeling - knowing that I'm facing pure, utter destruction at the hands of Derek, I can freely flail away with no consequence. Sure, I think Redman might be okay this week and Jones will do alright, but really who cares? Stafford and Brees are gonna eat my lunch, and the Johnson's are going to kick sand in my face and steal my girlfriend. Even if I think my team is a proverbial bear - Derek's team is the hulk and hulk beats bear anytime - don't believe - this documentary footage says it to be true.
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