Bare Cupboards vs. Reckoner
It's getting to be that time of year, when bye weeks transform teams from the pristine vision of their draftees in August, into something altogether unrecognizable - horrific patchworks of trades and bottom-rung pickups. My team, in particular, is turning into something grotesque - it has parts of fantasy football players in it - but you wouldn't call it a fantasy football team. Lindsay, on the other hand, has made himself an astute trade - bringing in Matt Ryan's services. And while Ryan constantly makes faces like he's licking a dog turd lollipop on the sidelines, he does have one thing going for himself - he's not Kevin Kolb. With the upgrade and the firepower at running back and wide receiver, Lindsay has fun swinging around my corpse.
Urban Achiever vs. The Chefs
If this was real football, this might be the Monday night game - wait, who am I kidding? The Monday night game would be Larry against Ryan. This would be the game of the week -but only available on some hillbilly regional channel where it plays in the background while a bunch of Arkansas good ol' boys put lipstick on a goat. Speaking of goats wearing lovely shades of soft sienna, if there's one team that knows how to clean up nice using free agents, it' s Derek. For example: Victor Cruz - equally adept at making big or boneheaded plays - but putting up consistent points. The rest of his team I don't even have to mention - they are ridiculous. And as much as I like Paul's team, Derek has a lot of home games and doesn't have anyone from Miami - so while it'll be uncomfortably close, Derek will silently slip out a victory.
Banana Grabbers vs. Dirty D
On the other end of this week's big trade, Bryan has exiled Matt Ryan like the dirty leper we all knew him to be - and while I'm sure this trade will pay dividends getting an upgrade in Vincent Jackson, we're not going to see it this week. Instead, Bryan's rocking Donovan McNabb's soup-filled belly - and like the football Santa he's beginning to resemble - the one thing he consistently gives away is the football - to the other team. Garcon is a good pickup, but this week he won't be who you think he might be against Cincy's formidable pass defense (did I just utter those words?). You might think I'm trolling by picking Dennis, but his team is solid down the line - even a normally bad Campbell gets Cleveland at home.
PDC vs. The North
I can barely contain my excitement for this game - it's like watching two Thai man-lady's fight over that last American dollar dangling out of a tourist's zipper - it has everything you want, desperation, impotent rage and the pungent smell of Old Spice. This game will be close - and that should be no surprise, because these teams will probably be on top of each other all year. I'll give Ryan the slight edge in wide receivers, but Larry has the better running backs. The quarterbacks are a trade-off, except Schaub is playing Baltimore without his snuggly, otherwise known as Andre Johnson. For that fact alone, I'm shining my ethereal golden light on Larry, and breaking a promise to myself - I'm believe he wins and drops Ryan off the proverbial fantasy cliff.
The Downs Burns vs. The Lonesome Kicker
The surprise team against the up-and-comer. Who would've thought that Ian and Wayne would be playing a meaningful game in week six - usually Wayne's season is done by week three, so this really is a pleasant surprise. Who isn't a pleasant surprise is Josh Freeman - why is Wayne starting this guy? All the commentators say he's big and strong, but that only seems to aid him in helping a bunch of plucky kids find a lost pirate ship - it doesn't seem to be helping him play football. For this week, I feel like I need to have a talk with Wayne's team, the let-down kind of talk, you give to the ugly girl in junior high. I like your team Wayne, but I don't like like them this week. Ian has too many soft matchups -and unless Torain gets Shannahaned- it should be enough. Given Wayne's record, it make not make any sense, but I think Ian marches away with this one.
No comments:
Post a Comment