This week Ryan and Bryan enter into a one-armed knife fight - except Bryan brought both arms - and decided to start two QB's like a normal person. Actually, Bryan's team is kind of sexy in that almost looks like a woman transvestite way - in that he has all the right parts - but you still can't help but notice that baby arm outline in his jeans. This week, Bryan's proverbial penis is the fact that his players have some ugly matchups - but even with that, I'd still drunkenly make out with Bryan's team before Ryan's cast of misfit manboys.
Dirty D vs. Reckoner
Man, I loved Jeff Beck when he was in the Yardbirds. I'm not so thrilled about him starting as a quarterback in the national football league at the age of 67. Oh, wait, you mean this guy is actually John Beck the rookie quarterback? Not like it makes a difference in Washington, where they put the offense in offense. Dennis is always dangerous because he has the Smothers Brothers duo of Rodgers and Turner, but beyond that I'm not sure he'll put a scare in Lindsay this week. Lindsay's joke team has shaped up considerably over the past couple weeks - enough now that they're no laughing matter for the rest of us. Maybe this game would have gone the other way if Bryan started J. Walsh, but he didn't so Lindsay bass solos all over him.
The Lonesome Kicker vs The North
It's only been a few weeks and I hardly recognize these teams anymore - Tim Tebow? Curtis Painter? Jackie Battle? If this matchup proves anything, it's that Ian and Larry are committed to donating as much money to the winner of this year's league than anyone. Speaking of money, remind me not to lend any to the Miller brothers - who are now both totally humped for free agent pickups the rest of the year. Even though Larry has gone into bargain bin mode, I think he has a fighting chance this week - his bad players play bad defenses - but still, we're talking a Steven Segal level of scariness, where Ian will win an ugly one with Bas Rutten-liked badassness.
Bare Cupboards vs. Urban Achiever
You know what really grinds my gears? Women in the workplace. Or, Music today, or the Winter Olympics. Or more importantly, the fact that I'm genuinely starting Maurice Morris, Mike Thomas and Steve Breaston. I thought I would give Paul an early Christmas present this week by playing him - and he can probably use the pat on the back after the punch-in-the-stomach that is playing Derek. Nothing to see here folks, Rivers, Johnson and Sproules take my lunch money - Smith, Bryant and Bowe stuff me in locker because they don't give a squirt of piss about me - Paul wins.
The Downs Burns vs. the Chefs
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Or, how many people believe in JesusWeen - apparently almost 4,000. Really? Because Halloween is evil - except that it originated out of the Catholic All Saints Day as part of the end of a summer harvest. Oh, oh right, yeah, this matchup...well I hate to let everyone down, but Derek wins again. Wayne has a great team, but it's not particularly deep - which means no Green, Gore or Welker this week. This could have been a real battle, but instead, Derek gets to relax, and beat Wayne while reading his favourite magazine.
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